I always thought “hope” was such an overblown term, such a falsified feeling. Till now.
Now I know hope is the only thing keeping us going on during hard times. It really is. No one can say or do anything that will make you feel better if you are on the age. It is such a strong feeling inside. There is no better tomorrow, till hope comes around. Hope is a promise, a goal. Hope opens us to new possibilities.
My chronic illness is killing me inside. Past days I have had so much negative thoughts, dark emotions. I truly wished I could vanish. In silence and dignity.
I can’t live my life with the body I have. My life was not ment to be that kind of horror. It was supposed to be magical. Not a battle against pain and fatigue every single day. But it is and will always be like that for ever. And some period of times, I don’t have hope. At all. And if there is no hope, there is nothing…
And still. There is beauty around us. Helping each other to see that beauty is a wonderful thing. Going trough it together is even more wonderful. Hope is a key concept to see that beauty even though life is hard on you…
Pain is real, but so is hope.
Every single person with a chronic illness will tell you the same. Never say to me: You don’t look ill. Please, never do. It hurts in so many ways. No, it’s not a compliment at all. Most of really ill people will try their very best to hide it. To pretend to be normal. They will do everything in their power to not stand out.
Yes, I will smile as much as I can! Yes, I will do as much as possible with that little energy I have. Yes, I will wear high heals when my husband is with me to support me.
No, I won’t explain myself to you. Forget it.
Yes, I over-think, but I also over-love. Nothing in-between. Black or white, unfortunately. In my opinion you cant’s say “I love you a little.” I love all the way or not. Sadly I overthink a lot too. Partly because I am a women and that’s what we do :-). But also because of my character, I suppose. My husband always says: “We will solve a problem, when the problem is showing.” But I? I am searching for solutions for problems that are not even there yet. I do, really. “What if” thoughts. You might recognise it…?
It seems, the more we are worried about something, the more our brain is trained to think about it. And that’s a scary thought. Don’t you think? It can become a vicious cycle and you could put yourself at risk of anxiety disorders in the future. And nooo, you don’t want that, of course. But what to do?
Well… trick your brain.
I have read an article wrote by a clinical psychologist named Pittman. “Telling yourself to not to have a certain thought is not the way to not have the thought” she says. ”You need to replace that thought.” What if I tell you to stop thinking about pink elephants? What are you going to think about? That’s right: pink elephants, for sure. If you don’t want to think about a pink elephant, conjure up an image of, say, a tortoise. “Maybe there’s a big tortoise holding a rose in its mouth as it crawls,” says Pittman. “You’re not thinking about pink elephants now. Are you?”
That being said, there is a truth in the quote like this:
That’s life, I suppose. You take some, you give some. Thinking positive will help being more happy, I believe that. But I also believe this:
Storms make trees take deeper roots.
A strong woman accepts both
compliments and criticism
knowing that it takes both
sunshine and rain
for a flower to grow